My underwear smells like fireworks.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
