my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My pussy is not your playground.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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