We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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