i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
