She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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