and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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