youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think my moral compass just broke
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