Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
