your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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