That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
A bitchslap is in order.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
