just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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