What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
