And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
