my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
