his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Damn victory sex feels great
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
