You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
