Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
