When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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