What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
