Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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