i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
