I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
