he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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