my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
