Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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