did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
