Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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