Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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