he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
