12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
