She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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