I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
