What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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