in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
