one two three fourrrrnication!
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
