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I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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