I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
