We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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