is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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