Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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