My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
