Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
