GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
