i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
