Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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