Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
