white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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