my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
