fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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