O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
