you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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