Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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