i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
barbara walters just said penis...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
