His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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