and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
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Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
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I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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