If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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