drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
