piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
