idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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