i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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