oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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