We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
