So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
