Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
