im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
